i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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