u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
