So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
