Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
