i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
