Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
don't judge my taste in strippers
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's no shave November. This is our time.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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