i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
