Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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