you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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