I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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