I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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