I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
