i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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