his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
