I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
