it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
