you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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