there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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