You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
