I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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