My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
