im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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