Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
