i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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