just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
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DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
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There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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