So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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