I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Houston, we have a blender
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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