We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
