What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
