dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
