Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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