I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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