Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize