Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
