he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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