I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
