You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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