my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
