It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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