it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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