I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
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