I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
