she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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