i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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