Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
