Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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