True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
