Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
