I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
