Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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