i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
