Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
