Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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