I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
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