i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
