It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
