I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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