I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
