If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
