I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
