Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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