Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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