how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
