Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
