am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
