By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
