I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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