I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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