So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
