theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
