He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Text me some of your sweat
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
