I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
