That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
BRING THE BAGELS
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
