I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
