I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Please don't give away my fajitas
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
