It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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