i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
