He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
