the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
