peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
