drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
