I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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