Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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