can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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