Quick, to the slutcave!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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