There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
