K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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