you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
