how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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